Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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