It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
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He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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