after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
