I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we're making bets on your personal life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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