dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Congratulations! We have a period
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
