someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize