yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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