You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
