she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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