I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
