dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sext me about skeletons
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
