you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
