so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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