im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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