is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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