Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
