moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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