Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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