i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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