you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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