i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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