you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
