i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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