Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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