I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
