i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
