she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
