What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
