I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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