I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
