I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
