I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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