Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
