I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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