i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
