So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
