I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
