oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
