Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
