i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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