Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
