i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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