when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
