I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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