I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
