So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
