I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
