That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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