Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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