Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
