Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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