I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
