so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
