you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
