Swine flu. Run for my life!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
