a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
