She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
