So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
