You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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