im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
