The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
