That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
