im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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