That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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