Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
